Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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