At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
