I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
