There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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