Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize