it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
