dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
