dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
