either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even my farts smell like vagina
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize