oh god the rape fog is back!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
