Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just high enough for therapy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
