and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
