I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
