nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize