Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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