i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
