I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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