We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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