he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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