the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
