I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
