Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
