areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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