dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
