i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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