he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
