Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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