As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
