went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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