Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
