im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
