We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
