If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
