i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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