last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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