Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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