I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
