Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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