I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
