Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
