Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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