Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
