i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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