During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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