I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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