I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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