i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"