I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?