I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
