I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!