Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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