would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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