You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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