she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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