Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
