I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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