dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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