3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
