Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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