What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
