Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
