Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize