So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
