I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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