Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
