I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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