Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
