I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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