how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
