she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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