So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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